Moms for Equality : Dads for Equality » Moms Coming Out

A Mother’s Gratitude and Plea ~ Parents, come out

Moms — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 18:27:33 +0000

August 4, 2010. My daughter Amanda’s text said it all: “What a great day to be alive, to be gay, to be a woman, to be human. This feeling inside of me is indescribable! To be equal! WOW!”

Just hours later I saw my son Tyler, with a tear rolling down his cheek, pictured with his husband Spencer on the cover of The Huffington Post with the title “EL8TED!”. The picture was taken as they stood outside the federal courthouse, where Judge Walker’s decision had just been handed down ruling that Proposition 8 — California’s constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage — was unconstitutional.

YES! That is exactly what I was feeling, on that historic and triumphant day: elated, ecstatic, jumping for joy! I was filled with renewed hope for my children, their children, and all those to come. As a mother and a grandmother, I believed that all of my children are equally deserving of the rights and protections provided by our government. It was euphoric to have a federal judge, for the first time, validate that, and reach the same conclusion.

My mind reflects back on the emotional ride of the past two years. From the invigorating high of June 17, 2008, when Tyler married Spencer in the San Francisco city hall rotunda with Harvey Milk’s bust looking over his shoulder, to the utter shock, disbelief, and heartbreak of November 5, 2008, when we watched equality be overruled by voters in California motivated by fear and misinformation. The grief I felt due to the loss of the dream of marriage equality for all my children was horrific. In addition, the realization, which quickly came that, my pain was in large part caused by my own Mormon faith, the leaders of which were men I once trusted for all of my guidance and solace, was unbearable. As documented in the recent documentary 8: The Mormon Proposition and elsewhere, Mormon members accounted for as much as 71% of the monetary contributions used to fund Prop 8 and 90% of its volunteers.

Yet today, nearly two years later, I am grateful to the Mormon Church leaders for forcing me to examine what I truly believe in and stand for. Their hurtful acts stirred within me the passion and courage of a mother bear protecting her cubs. It gave me the courage to “come out” of my hiding place, behind church doors, and declare to the world that my family is most important, our values count, and choosing love over fear, children over dogma, and equality over discrimination is what God would have me do.

As people gathered in my small town of St. George, Utah this past week for a rally celebrating the Prop 8 court decision, I was sadly reminded that not many parents stand as firmly by their children. In fact, my husband Steve and I were the only parents in the group of almost 100 people! Thinking back on this, I cannot help asking: “Why? Where are you, parents?” As long as you stay hidden, you leave your children standing alone. If you believe, as I do, that all our children deserve fairness and equal rights, then I beg you to have the courage of your children and show yourselves, your love, and your support.

Full equality will come when we normalize “gay” — normalize gay families, gay marriages, and gay children. Parents who refuse to embrace this part of their child, or choose to ignore it, miss a beautiful world of amazing people full of goodness and love. I know it is not easy. As I have stepped into the rainbow light these past two years, many have rejected me — including family members, business associates, and friends. However, the many new people that have come into my life and encircled me with their love have filled that gap one hundred fold!

The journey for full equality took an exciting step forward with Judge Walker’s ruling to overturn Proposition 8. I believe he arrived at many of his conclusions by witnessing the personal and real life nature of the damage done to families by society’s refusal to afford equal treatment to our gay and lesbian children.

Therefore, I take this opportunity to put out this plea: parents, join this march for equality. I ask you to put a human face on this movement. Share who your children are with your friends, your co-workers, your siblings, with everyone. When you hear derogatory comments about gay or lesbian people, or the rampant propaganda and misinformation that are out there regarding them, all you need to say is, “I have a gay son or a lesbian daughter. If you knew them, you would love them.” It is that simple.

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Linda is a former fifth generation Mormon, who with her husband Steve, started MomsForEquality.com or DadsForEquality.com to encourage parents to “come out” and be vocal on behalf their children’s rights. She refers to herself as an “accidental activist” and is featured with her family in the recent documentary film 8: The Mormon Proposition, which premiered at the 2010 Sundance film festival.

15 Minutes of Fame on FoxNews.com

Moms — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 23:32:33 +0000

We are amazed at how powerful FoxNews.com makes Linda sound, a mom standing up for her kids, in this article.

Be sure to check out the venomous comments about Linda by Fox News readers. We keep looking for one by Glen Beck. Add one of your own!

We love who you are,

Steve & Linda

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New Documentary Exposes Mormon Church’s Alleged Secret Involvement in Passage of Proposition 8

By Hollie McKay

Published July 16, 2010

| FoxNews.com

Linda Stay joined forces with filmmaker Reed Cowan to detail the prominent role the Mormons played in the reinstatement of Prop 8 in the new documentary “8: The Mormon Proposition.”

Following a lengthy investigation, California’s Fair Political Practices Commission ordered The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints last month to pay a $5,539 fine for failing to accurately report $37,000 in contributions to the victorious effort to pass Proposition 8, which banned same-sex marriages in California in 2008.

One of the key figures behind exposing the Church was Linda Stay, whose ancestor was a founding member. But Stay parted ways with the Church in 2008, and later joined forces with filmmaker Reed Cowan to detail the prominent role the Mormons played in the reinstatement of Prop 8 in the new documentary “8: The Mormon Proposition”, which is narrated by Oscar-winning “Milk” writer, Lance Dustin Black.

“The documents we exposed really started a lot of activity; I believe that certainly the film did play a part in bringing to light what the Church did. Audiences have been shocked – members of the Church knew it was involved in so many ways, but they had no idea about the extent of the involvement,” Stay, who has a gay son and lesbian daughter as well as seven other children, told Pop Tarts. “I hope this sends a message loud and clear.”

A spokesperson for the Mormon Church said they had not seen the film.

“We have not seen ‘8: The Mormon Proposition.’ However, judging from the trailer and background material online, it appears that accuracy and truth are rare commodities in this film,” Kim Farah, a representative for the LDS Church told us. “Clearly, anyone looking for balance and thoughtful discussion of a serious topic will need to look elsewhere.”

In their defense, the LDS Church stated that the violations were unintentional and that the Church mistakenly overlooked the daily reporting requirement and instead reported those contributions together in a later filing.

Cowan initially intended to make a documentary on the issue of gay homelessness and suicide in Utah, but soon realized that, in his opinion, the homophobia that propels otherwise loving parents to kick their teens out of home is deeply entrenched in Mormon ideology. He and Stay have also sought to illuminate what they believe to be hypocrisy embedded in the Church’s act of funneling money in the campaign to fight the legalization of same sex marriage.

“As a Mormon, I knew the Church’s stand on homosexuality,” Stay said. “We weren’t expecting them to change that, but for them to aggressively promote and create ads preaching that religions would lose their freedom of speech and freedom of assembly, that they would have to marry gays in their temples, swayed the whole proposition.”

After a limited theatrical release, “8” was released on DVD this week, and Stay is now urging Mormons to stand up to the Church and its strong stance against marriage equality for gays and lesbians.

But, not surprisingly, a number of members are less-than-impressed with the documentary.

“The director has certainly received some hate mail,” Stay said. We’ve received some derogatory statements from people. And that’s to be expected.”

But negative feedback is no deterrent for Stay, who has set up her own website MomsForEquality.com and is in the process of writing a book in the quest for “spiritual equality” across the entire nation.

http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2010/07/16/new-documentary-follows-mormon-churchs-involvement-passage-proposition/

Let it Go

Moms — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 03:04:00 +0000

It has been awhile since I posted and I wanted to give updates and share some thoughts.

Due to my health issues we are downsizing so as to focus on the treatments I need. This has been a wonderful healing journey in and of itself. To let go of all the STUFF, the things that we have lugged around for years and piled higher in the garage. It’s amazing when you prepare to move to a small town-home without a garage, you realize how much junk you have saved on the outside chance you may need it. It brings security right? I might NEED it someday.

When something like this hits, you realize very quickly, there are very few THINGS you need. And security comes from within far more than from what is piled in a garage or shoved in a closet. So the mere act of sorting through the last 10 years of your life, deciding what is absolutely essential and what is just dragging you down, keeping you stuck perhaps, is as liberating as burning your bra must have felt like in the 70′s! It is exciting, almost daring and makes me feel young again.

The act of “letting go”, surrendering… not in a ‘throw in the towel’ sort of way, but just getting to a place of acceptance, non-resistance, feels truly exhilarating. I dare you to try it. Don’t wait for a brain tumor to shake you or wake you up. Just dive in and let go!

I don’t think it is any coincidence that this is happening just a week before the Sundance Film Festival which premieres “8: The Mormon Proposition”, a film which features our family and will most likely have a profound affect on our lives. I remember the symbol of the Rebel card…

The Rebel ~ “The powerful and authoritative figure in this card is clearly the master of his own destiny.On his shoulder is an emblem of the sun, and the torch he holds in his right hand symbolizes the light of his own hard-won truth. Whether he is wealthy or poor, the Rebel is an emperor because he has broken the chains of society’s repressive conditioning and opinions. He has formed himself by embracing all the colors of the rainbow emerging from the dark and formless roots of his unconscious past and growing wings to fly into the sky. His very way of being is rebellious – not because he is fighting against anybody or anything, but because he has discovered his own true nature and is determined to live in accordance with it. The Rebel challenges us to be courageous to take responsibility for who we are and to live our truth”

So I LET GO …. of the fear, of resistance, of anger at an institution that broke our hearts, of expectations, of disappointments. And I STAND UP for equality, goodness, love, charity, my children and yours. I am ready, excited and willing to live my truth, to do my part in this civil rights movement of my day! I might even start by burning my bra!!

I want to meet this woman!

Moms — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 22:18:42 +0000

Thank you Heidi for sharing your story with me and allowing me to share it here. It is beautiful, as are YOU.

Heidi and Serene Gibson

“When I was 13 years old in the 7th grade I came home from basketball practice and told my parents I wanted to quit. Mind you I was 6′2 when I was 13 and still am at 32. With that height advantage and the love that I have for sports my parents couldn’t understand why I would want to quit. I was sitting with my mom at the kitchen table. I kept telling her “I just don’t like it..” and she put her hand on mine and said “There’s more to it than that Heidi – just tell me how you feel.” At that moment I began to cry – sob actually.

At that moment I told my mom I didn’t feel right. I was uncomfortable and scared because I wasn’t like the other girls. I didn’t like the same things they did, I didn’t want the same things they did and I didn’t even act the way they did.

I’ve never since gotten a hug as big as the one my mom gave me at that moment. She put my hands in her face and said these words,

“It’s ok baby. You just put a smile on your beautiful face, walk tall and proud. I understand more than you think I do, I understand more than you do. But what I want you to know is that I love you and there is no reason to tell others how you feel. There is no reason for you to talk to kids at school about this. Don’t stereotype yourself. Just smile and love who you are as I do..”

I had no idea that I was gay, but she did. She loves and loved me regardless. It was tough back then, much different than it is now. When I went to college I wanted to fit in, I dated boys and hated it. I decided I would try and be who society wants me to be. I married my best friend – who just happened to be born a man. My mom cried on my wedding day – not because she was happy for her baby getting married – but because she knew I was doing it to try to be something I wasn’t. It didn’t last. In fact it took longer to plan the wedding than it did to get rid of it. I was depressed and couldn’t take any more.

I was again married June 4th 2009 in Mills County, Iowa to my amazing bride and best friend. We had a reception at home in Salt Lake City for our friends and family this past August. It was amazing to see tears in my moms eyes – this time they were real, this time she was happy and proud and this time she knew her baby was being a mother and showing her own little girl what it’s like to live life the way my life was meant to be lived. It was a beautiful day.

Not all are as lucky to have the amazing mother that I have. But I would like to end this by saying it doesn’t matter who loves you or supports you. The most love and admiration comes from within. And no matter what, there are people like myself who love you for ‘who you are’, not ‘what you are’, because you truly are amazing, loved and beautiful.

I concur with Heidi… find that self-love that is deep inside. It is magical where it will take you, as it did Heidi. I would love each of you to reply to this post with your story… good, bad or indifferent. It is the conversations that create the change.

I hope we can have those courageous conversations with our family members at the dinner table this Thrusday.

Faith Restored

Moms — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 21:20:48 +0000

Church Opens Doors for Homeless Gay Teens

I am always grateful to find these types of articles and to have my FAITH restored in religion. YES, a church acting like a church.

A church-turned-shelter for homeless youth in Queens, New York is a far cry from sleeping on the streets after a $200,000 renovation and a partnership with the Ali Forney Center for LGBT youth.

By Michelle Garcia

A converted church in Queens, N.Y., may look like a pleasant youth hostel, but many of its residents made a tough journey to find this new place to call home.

The Ali Forney Center, New York City’s top service organization for homeless youth, found a partner in the local Episcopal diocese, which also took interest in the hardships that many LGBT homeless youths face. The partnership resulted in a $200,000 renovation of St. Andrew’s Church in the Astoria neighborhood of Queens, where 16 young people can now sleep soundly.

Carl Siciliano, executive director of the center, says he’s grateful for the church’s philanthropic outreach.

“So many of these young people are rejected by their families because of religion,” he says. “Kids come in who have been put through exorcisms, and we’ve had kids whose parents make them go see priests who tell them they’re evil and hateful and that they’re going to hell. It’s a really upsetting and unfortunate situation that so many young people are put through this kind of trauma by their parents’ religious beliefs, so it’s very moving to see a religious organization that’s able to say that these youth should be affirmed and cared for, so I’m very grateful to the Episcopal diocese of Long Island for their support.”

Read the rest of the article here

I recently watched the film “For the Bible Tells Me So” which was very well done. It so closely parallels my own story in taking on the Mormon church in the recent events surrounding Proposition 8. Our youth are dying because of the sermons they hear in their church… which should be a place of refuge and security, rather than fear and condemnation.

I continue to hear the heartfelt words of Mary Griffith…

“Before you echo Amen in your home or place of worship, think and remember…a child is listening.”

As an ex-mormon zealot I am forever grateful that my God told me to put my arms around my child and tell him “You are okay, I love you, just the way you are. You are Gods gift to me, always have been and that hasn’t changed”.

I only wish more religions who preach God as an omnipotent, all loving being would behave in accordance with what they preach and follow His example.

For all the Mother Bears…

Moms — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:16:05 +0000

Moms of gay children stand up and roar for equal rights! The civil rights movement of our day. Protect our young from the daily attack of injustice.

Watch this and see if you don’t relate….Then show it to your neighbors to help them understand why you fight for your childrens rights!

Thanks to Millie Watts, one of my favorite mother bears, for sharing this with me!

I am Coming Out in a Big Way!

Moms — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 02:03:03 +0000

My Oceanside pilgrimage….

As the documentary, 8: The Mormon Proposition, is nearing release and I feel that I am being exposed somewhat, “outed” you might say, I have had great concern about offending those I love, somehow hurting their feelings because of my stance on the issue of homosexuality and the LDS church involvement with the passage of Proposition 8 in CA. For whatever reason my family became a focal point for the film and we suddenly became equal rights activist…. Its funny, I haven’t had a political bone in my body until it affected the rights of my own children. I am ashamed to say that, but perhaps I simply and it seems quite suddenly, have become much more aware and have a greater understanding of what rights they are denied. And of course, the ugly head of discrimination, hateful slurs, emails, comments and rejection quickly stirred up the mother bear in me. Then I had a huge ah hah ….. there are those that are and always have been offended by my children only because of who they are… or how they see them as gay. I have told all my children and others to “be yourself, don’t sell out, don’t give your power away, never apologize for “who you are”, let people see your magnificence, your good heart and eventually they will see the real you. Thanks to all of my amazing children for reminding me to take my own advice!

Many of you have noticed my absence and I am so grateful for the love and support I have received. While I was removed from phone, internet, life, (Steve wisked me away in an attempt to save my life…and he did!), the trailer to the Documentary came out. It was perfect timing for me to have a little space.

I want to share my experience with each of you, as you are my journey… Thank you for being part of it, for the meaning you give to my life, for the lessons and love you have taught me. I love you all, whether you see things the way I do or not. And I trust that as you understand my heart, you will see I am not against you. I respect your right to see it differently. I am only following what my heart tells me is the right thing to do…and that is to choose my children… I will always choose them and stand with them. I pray that is not offensive or hurtful to anyone.

My big reason for going away was to find a “New Way of Being”… to keep the stress, the passion, the anxiousness, the fear, blah, blah blah… from killing me. It is hard to face your demons head on, especially when you feel powerless to do anything about it, because they are so deep rooted.

So my pilgrimage begins as I am in search of a way to be who I am, without being against 0r fighting or angry or hateful… to stand up for or with… in favor of… in a loving responsive way, without sacrificing the passion and emotion that is who I am. I didn’t want to go on meds to chill me out, or get control of my emotions. I don’t want to be “flatline” I need the beating of my heart, the rush of joy or conviction or empathy. Can you relate???

As the days melted into each other oh so fast it seemed hard to quit clenching my teeth, giving stress so much power to invade this space as well. UGH!! I hate that I am that weak!! But as each day passed it started to lose its energy. Everything started to feel less important… all the beliefs, all the failures, the successes… I realized it was all just a story.

We took the Zen cards with us… just to draw a card each day and get a zen message. It was really amazing as each day the cards had the perfect message and seemed to build on each other. So yesterday I as I was thinking about the message I want to send to family members and how to handle the film and the whole civil rights thing…

I felt to draw another card.

This is the card I drew and I wanted to share it with you. It totally summed up everything for me. See the attached.

I sat there in tears.. feeling like I knew who I was and prepared to BE myself.